Last Again

[ohhkristin]

I am 26 and my girlfriend ins 24, and the couple friends we have around us here are hitting that stage of marriage and kids. We are not sure we want kids even after we get married, but our friends can't understand it when we tell them if we do, its going to be a while longer.

However, when talking to our friends in Chicago, and where she is from Boston, having kids at this age is not even a thought for them. You can really see the difference in mentality here compared to other places.

Me and some of my girlfriends (stephelf, and mandy6488) often joke about being a non-kids club. The whole process of having to take care of someone else just doen't seem that interesting right now.

I actually had a discussion with a lady at work about this asking her if the reward was worth the work and she said yes, it's all about knowing that you're leaving something behind. She said it's just awesome knowing you're leaving a person behind on the earth when you die. I said I'd rather leave good works and less traffic. Moms don't like that.

I don't think that my "baby switch" will ever be in the on-position and I'm 28 and getting married next year. It just doesn't look fun.

[Cliffs_Daughter]

^^^
I hear you.
I was exactly like you until about 5 years ago. I didn't have my son until I was 33.
I'm certainly not going to try to change anybody's mind, but you can't really understand the "they're worth the trouble" statement until you are actually in that position.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with not having children - consider that for a lot of folks we hear of in the news that maybe they should've made that decision as well.

The problem I have now is so many people coming up to me asking "when are you having another one?" because it's just wrong somehow to have an 'only child'. But I made a decision to have one, and that's it. He alone was worth it and still is, but I've kinda reverted back to my old self in a way by not wanting to go through the scary process again. 

[ac]

The problem I have now is so many people coming up to me asking "when are you having another one?" because it's just wrong somehow to have an 'only child'. But I made a decision to have one, and that's it. He alone was worth it and still is, but I've kinda reverted back to my old self in a way by not wanting to go through the scary process again. 

My wife gets the same questions.  Our daughter just turned 1!  We also are "older" (31 and 34), so we had to deal with the "when are you having kids" discussions before she got pregnant as well. 

It's insane how people think others "selfish" or strange for wanting to establish themselves prior to bringing someone totally dependent on them into the world, or wanting to make sure they're well-provided for once they're here.  My wife has a good career and work/home balance, but has even been told by older women in her office that she needs to quit work and stay at home with the baby!  I greatly admire SAHMs, but that doesn't work for everyone.  Especially not us.  We'd love for her to be able to do that, but our quality of life would suffer on a single income.

There is definitely a lot of pressure to skip college, get a job, marry young, and start a family in this city/region.  Women are especially discouraged from having career aspirations in lieu of a family.  Maybe it's more a Baptist thing, as my wife grew up in Southern CA yet was told by her youth minister there not to pursue a Biology degree because she didn't need it to be a homemaker(!).  Who tells a 17-18 year-old that?

My younger brother and his soon-to-be ex were 20 and 19 when they got married, and had 3 kids before they each realized "holy crap, I didn't have a life before I got married/had kids!" and now are split with new partners and tearing each other apart through the legal system. 

So far, I prefer being a "selfish" late bloomer.

[Captain Zissou]

On a semi related note, where do the single posters of this forum go out and when?  I've been trying to get in touch with the singles scene, but the closest I have come is Wednesdays at Wild Wings.

Depends who you are looking for. Guy or Gal

Sportmotor, where would a single 22 year old guy go out in order to find a girl(s)?? Where do single guys go out to meet single girls?

[Captain Zissou]

Any girl.  I'm not sure I have the luxury of choosing at this point. 

[cdb]

Hit the beach, there is a broad spectrum of people out there. Everything mentioned above. Good place to meet people whether its the night or day on the weekend. 

As far as people in bigger cities waiting longer. I am from NYC originally and moved here at age 26, and most of my friends in NYC have waited longer to get married and have kids, and the biggest reason is finances. Most 21-28 year olds in bigger cities are not making the kind of money they would need to support a family and marriage and stay in the city. A lot of my friends from NYC that have gotten married moved out to NJ and still work in NYC, so they could afford an actual house and not a basement apartment. I am 33 years old and have a 2 year old son. I waited because I didn't find my soul mate until 4 years ago. And the first time you hold your son or daughter, all the "is it worth it" stuff is out the window. Our lives have changed dramatically, but as a whole I would say it is for the better. And yes, the whole church thing down here definitely plays a big part too.

[CrysG]

It's funny because in my situation it's the reverse. My husband (32) and I (26) are wanting kids but everyone is like wait a while. My FIL told us to hold off because of the economy. My FIL also works for a big church on the Westside so go figure.

[stephElf]

I just turned 31 a few weeks ago and my husband will be 29 in November... still not sure about the kid thing. I don't feel very maternal.  I like kids, but I like being "Aunt Steph".

We still have time. I never thought as a little girl, teenager when I grow up - I am going to get married, live in a house and have 2 kids.  The marriage part and maybe a city apartment is more where I pictured myself. 

Don't get me wrong, if an "accident" happened, I am confident in my parenting abilities and know I would love that child beyond articulation... just not sure I want to do it on purpose.

I think my in-laws will be pretty disappointed if we don't have kids. 

The whole people thinking "only having 1 kid is a bad thing" never occurred to me.  Why are people so obsessed with thinking everyone needs to pro-create and have multiples on top of that?  Sheesh. There are enough freaking people on this planet.  I have had A LOT people look at me cross-eyed when I say I am not sure about intentionally having children.

I still want to travel to Ireland and possibly buy a downtown loft in the next 4 - 5 years. For now, I'm still focusing on things like that.

[Traveller]

I'm of the belief that a city being a "happening singles town" or, on the other hand, a "great place to raise a family" (i.e., not a singles town) is largely a chicken-egg problem.  Kids who graduate college single want to move to a city with lots of other singles (e.g., Atlanta, DC, Charlotte, Tampa) and shy away from cities with fewer dating opportunities (e.g., our fair city).  When I interviewed for jobs in law school, I had lawyers in Greenville and Savannah tell me flat out that I probably wouldn't enjoy living in their city as a single guy because there weren't many single professional women to go around.  In the South, it seems, you either graduate engaged, or you head for one of the cities listed above.

[stephElf]

Is Jax really that bad for singles?

I mean Atlantic Beach, Jax Beach, Bay Street ... even a few spots in Mandarin like Harmonious and Monkey's are all packed Thur, Fri, Sat... most of these places seem to cater to the 21 - 40ish (sometimes even older) crowd... I go out fairly often so I'm not talking out my rear.

Ragtime gets a mixed age crowd and live music. Same with Monkey's and Harmonious. 

Seems like if you want to meet people, they are there... you just need to go out and look for them. Plus there is online dating sites.

[Captain Zissou]

I'm of the belief that a city being a "happening singles town" or, on the other hand, a "great place to raise a family" (i.e., not a singles town) is largely a chicken-egg problem.  Kids who graduate college single want to move to a city with lots of other singles (e.g., Atlanta, DC, Charlotte, Tampa) and shy away from cities with fewer dating opportunities (e.g., our fair city).  When I interviewed for jobs in law school, I had lawyers in Greenville and Savannah tell me flat out that I probably wouldn't enjoy living in their city as a single guy because there weren't many single professional women to go around.  In the South, it seems, you either graduate engaged, or you head for one of the cities listed above.

^ My name is Captain Zissou and I approved this message.

[Bewler]

I mean Atlantic Beach, Jax Beach, Bay Street ... even a few spots in Mandarin like Harmonious and Monkey's are all packed Thur, Fri, Sat... most of these places seem to cater to the 21 - 40ish (sometimes even older) crowd... I go out fairly often so I'm not talking out my rear.

Depends on what you want but I think a lot of people view those places as somewhere to go to just hookup with someone and not necessarily meet a compatible BF/GF.