iPhone Lemmings Line Up for NSA Surveillance.....(another classic Wonkette.com)

[stephendare]

http://wonkette.com/politics/dept%27-of-step-right-up/iphone-lemmings-line-up-for-nsa-surveillance-273714.php
from the dept. of step right up
iPhone Lemmings Line Up For NSA Surveillance

Have you heard about the iPhone? It’s a wonderful new invention that lets the NSA illegally record all your phone calls, copy all your contacts, keep records of all your Web and IM activity, watch you through the camera, listen in on your household through the mic, and probably put you in a terrorist no-fly database for listening to Cynthia McKinney singing that stupid Pink song.

How does this expensive “miracle gadget” do so much domestic spying on you? Well, to use the iPhone you must sign up with AT&T, the telecom that has been tirelessly working with the National Security Agency’s warrantless wiretapping program, which has installed massive data-mining and recording machinery on AT&T Internet hubs in every major American city.

How does this expensive “miracle gadget” do so much domestic spying on you? Well, to use the iPhone you must sign up with AT&T, the telecom that has been tirelessly working with the National Security Agency’s warrantless wiretapping program, which has installed massive data-mining and recording machinery on AT&T Internet hubs in every major American city.

Asked why Apple would only bundle the iPhone with the AT&T/NSA total surveillance system, Steve Jobs laughed and said the company has “been investing billions of dollars in the last couple of years to create a great network.” Yes, it certainly has.

In Orwell’s future, total government surveillance was a terrible thing that was forced upon the people â€" just the kind of paranoid bullshit you’d expect from somebody like him. In reality, people literally line up all night long for the chance to be the first to pay $600 to be watched around the clock by the government.

[gatorback]

Wow.  I'm so happy to be working with the NSA. How much are they paying these days?  Just kidding.  The device is awesome.  I'm sure there is a lot of good to come out of it.  Metrojacksonville.com looks good on it too.

Sent from my iPhone.

[Jimmy]

Not really.  AT&T and the government are two separate things.  For the moment.

[Jimmy]

But it's not the government doing the tracking.  It's at AT&T's behest, apparently to help them improve their cell tower coverage.

Tempest in a tea pot.  Jobs has nothing to worry about.

[wsansewjs]

Not really.  AT&T and the government are two separate things.  For the moment.

I don't think you read the original article, Jimmy.  Which was also tongue in cheek.

But I do find it funny that this was supposed to be satire 4 years ago, right when the site rightwingers were calling us crazy for being worried about surveillance, and here we are four years later, only to find out that the joke was too close for comfort.  Anyone using an apple device has been tracked, and has a tracking history since june.

Its unbelievable.

I think Jobs is going to have a real problem over this.

<sarcasm>And I hate that greedy, evil genius, turtle-neck popping head with squeaky glasses and glazing sparkling teeth, wooing Apple Fanboys to the glamorous hand of his. Even if he introduce his own poop called iPoop, his hand is the magical marketing hand that will make Apple Fanboys go blow their credits to just get it because it has a fruit logo and holy-blessed thy Steve Jobs himself.</sarcasm>

-Josh

[Jimmy]

Josh, I'll have you to know that I pay cash.  /rant

[wsansewjs]

Josh, I'll have you to know that I pay cash.  /rant

You good sir, I implied my sarcasm.

-Josh

[Jimmy]

I won't tag that which comes naturally.  You shouldn't either. 

[Jimmy]

Wow, slow news day all over the internet.

[Shwaz]

Hmmm I wonder how far off a lot of companies are from technology like this. Take Metro Jax for instance; when navigating the forums the little flash ads up in the top of the screen always seem coincidentally (?) on point with items I have recently searched for or shopped for on the internet.

Is metrojax monitoring my p.c.'s cache to target market direct advertisements... what else are you taking from my computers memory?

[Shwaz]

Quite the sassy winky one today aren't we penny bags? It appears your nomination for monocle wearing and shoutout in the wonkette has truly gone to your head 

[Jimmy]

yeah.  the only thing worse is slow reader day.

A more often occurrence, sadly.

[AmyLynne]

It seems to me that I remember a local case involving using a cell phone to prove that the suspect was at the scene of a crime at the time that it occured.  Perhaps it was a man who murdered girlfriend/wife....

I think it was the guy that killed his wife and buried her in jennings forest and they caught him because they tracked him by his phone when he went back to the site he dumped her.

[Jimmy]

Right, all of our cellphones leave that digital trail, either through GPS or through cell tower triangulation.  In most cases it's stored at the telco.  In this case, it's also stored on the phone.

Not that big of a deal unless someone steals your phone.  The telcos and the government already have access.  If someone steals your phone to track your movements, you have bigger problems.

[Non-RedNeck Westsider]

The first story that was posted seems like someone cloned a sim card - not really tough to do - and is just pulling some mean-spirited prank.

If the girl left her phone unattended in school, it would only take a few minutes to swipe the SIM, copy it and plug into a no-frills,throwaway phone.