"The Key"

[Lionasoarus]

Captain's Log : 143

Fine tobacco loosely escapes through my fingers as the paper in which I wish it to be housed dances in the sea's breeze. I quickly use my index fingers to pack the plant tighter and respond methodically with a swift roll using my thumbs. I seal it with a kiss.

My hands drop apart to my lap and I lift my face to gaze onto the average man's dream. He is claustrophobic with stress and caged in by self-induced dilemma. He is afraid to venture into the unknown so he learns days rittled with regret and nights bedded down with lost possibilities.

The sand is soft as a Mother's touch and as I sit, it hugs my body and embraces my company. I burrow my toes in its warmth and it welcomes the reconnection as if the comfort had been a bridge patiently being built, readying perfection for this moment. My forearms rest atop my knees Now as I sit with reluctant anticipation.

The rhythmic waves fail at their attempts to sooth my broken heart, but do remind me of the purity of persistence as I acknowledge the clarity of the water. When I stand, the complex interactions of sea life are visible until what reaches my eyes blur into the faint urge to see more. As the horizon is created at the ocean's edge, the element that keeps me captive has grabbed the cloudless sky and tossed its bright blue in the mix with a shade similar to the island's palms to create a strikingly unique color. Its tranquility taunts me with shimmering distractions and selfishly holds me for its own.

My eyes sharpen as the afternoon sun warms my skin and I light my cig with a long, rectangular piece of the steadily burning fire. I take the breath in slowly... and exhale with hopes of rescue.

By my count it has been one year since the unforgiving storm ravaged my ship, sending my crew to the dark, icy depths, and abandoning me with a sliver of mercy from the sea. The night was never as dark as it was that monumentally tragic night and the days feel as though they have lost their luster.

I gathered what I could as the scattered life supplying goods floated amongst the dead. A large piece of the bow had remained intact and the current nudged it forward, toward my tired muscles as if perseverance itself. With the remnance of my prized ship supporting my frame entirely, I was able to crouch and use my arms to paddle towards the drifting crates that I had hoped would save my life.

Tobacco and rum was all that was left but it doesn't seem to matter, at least something besides my lonely sole had been spared. Four days and four night of death defying relentlessness widdled at my hopes of survival, but my efforts were rewarded with the miracle of landfall.

Although my crafted wisdom, born through a life at sea, has earned the respect of the saltiest sailors, the coordinates of this island has eluded the experiences of my teachers and my location is past the uncharted, furthest ends of the earth.

Perhaps... I was meant to spend the rest of my days in solitude. Perhaps... the reason food is bountiful and clean, fresh water readily available is because our lesson is over Now.

She is reason I battle on, though, and the motivation for my unfaltering attention towards the horizon.

I have built four controlled fires at each corner of the islands beaches and routinely survey their locations. I divide the time I spend at each post with the assumed hours of each day so that every moment can be harnessed into productive energy.

My soul yearns for her company and my leathered skin aches for her touch. My nose fiends for her scent and my lips have had to replace the quench of her kiss with dry cigarettes. Our courtship period was ending its excitingly important role and evolving into the embrace of Love and the commitment of our hearts. As we came together, seasons halted their rotations, predators forgot their roles, and the heavens parted the clouds to shine a smile of approval upon us.

Without having to see her troubled face or hear a painful cry, I know her empty days drag on and her sleepless nights are spent in confusion and worry. She has not forgotten about me and as a result of that strength, he is able to carry on with habitual daily tasks. I respect her courage and am proud that a woman of her caliber has chose to accept my unconventional ways. She confessed her Love for me the day prior to my departure as reassurance of her devotion and with hopes of the extension of my trust.

As the idea of blissful monogamy enters my thoughts, the whisper of the trees affirms alliance with my desires and I am faithful in her word.

The sun is beaming the reality that the side of the island I am on Now is facing east. It has a captivating lagoon that intrigues my senses and presents an aloof invitation to enjoy the waters. I am no compelled. I use its position for directional strategy and, again, effortlessly remind myself that I am without her.

I am without anyone, but, most importantly, void of the love my expectations so desperately sought out. My heart jolts with pain, pulsing it through my entire body.

Hunger seems meaningless, however, I must eat to sustain Life. I must eat so that the attempts of a vaguely unrealistic rescue would not be in vain.

The absence of companionship does not translate to the absence of Love. She lives within me and the power she projects does reach the cusp of my potential, sparking optimism, as I am witness to another sunrise.

[Lionasoarus]

Captain's Log : 323

I was awakened this morning by the songs of a native bird and momentarily relieved when its flesh provided a surprisingly tasteful breakfast.

I've erected a small shelter utilizing mud, seashells, and palm frawns on the south end of the island, a quarter days walk to where I sit Now to reflect. Both trail blazing through thick, primordial brush and long strides through a connecting meadow stroll through my short-term memory.

I sit atop a familiar rock, a few feet from the fresh water spring on the east side of this island, this illusion.

Although my willpower has served as the foundation for my survival, thoughts of being alone act parasitic, invasively eating away at every ounce of nutritional sustenance. Only times when hunts return a bounty or when the suffocating heat subsides a measurable amount of happiness peppers my life.

God gifted glimpses of a future, though, the first time I starred at myself kneeling, sipping from my cupped hand in the reflection of fresh water.

The local turtles willfully provide not just energy packed meals, but enable a convenient process of collecting drinking water using their bowl-like shells. The turtle shells are large enough so that the chore of gathering safe water is dwindled to a light exercise and I am able to spend a few grateful moments near the spring's edges.

Out of the corner of my left eye and close to the submerged roots of an adolescent tree small fish dart in spiratic movements, reminding me of the resource they provide as fishing bait for more appetizing marine life. I cannot spend all day here at the spring; however, I do feel a sense of dedication and pay respects to my woman as I sit.

The morals she stubbornly upholds, her unwavering dedication to personal success, and the general respect and courtesy she displays center themselves in the focus of my cognition today. A blanket of Peace covers me.

She smiles as a beggar pleads with her soft heart and after secretly slipping him a modest amount of coins, she offers his desperation ease through polite conversation and extends genuine smiles to uplift his spirit. Oh how I wish to be a beggar.

The protruding rock I sit on is providing little comfort and as my feet naturally dangle below me, the indistinct pains in my lower back conjoin with the increasing discomfort emanating from my stomach. The winged delight I enjoyed this morning has passed only enough energy for another hunt. I do not care.

My indifference is as alive Now as it has been during the majority of my sentence in this prison and my heart and mind escape its confines regularly, fleeing towards her embrace. These distractions of consciousness divert my recognition of physical pain and upon returning to my current time and space, I am so distraught with hunger I am forced to scavenge.

There are notable lapses in these experiences, however, sustained by the possibility of disappointing her with the lack of my usual strength she admires so greatly.

As I spot a few seabirds through the open patches in the forest's canopy, they tease my unsatisfied addiction for Freedom. They glide so effortlessly amongst air currents and with only one or two casual flinches of their feathers, have redirected their paths and increased the speed in which they travel towards their destinies.

My desperation formats a disdain for them and at times ignites a fire within my soul so hot and molten that I leap to my feet and run. I run in no particular direction, but am indeed running to and from something.

For Now, the flame is contained by the outpouring of anticipation and the physical pains endured by my sitting position at the edge of this rock.

Assumptions carry my thoughts towards debate and I use a conditioned perspective to compare how the stresses of time apart have changed our physical appearances. The whip of correction cracks and I am bluntly reminded of her flawless mold, created by God to help define perfection. I long for the moment that extended periods of silence muted any word and replaced them with the stories in our eyes.

The sun has reached the top of the trees that surround the spring and is creating an entertaining show of silhouettes. The wind is lazily blowing north and the rustle of the highest leaves has entered the forefront of my awareness. The reflection of the sun off the water blinds me as it finds the most powerful and effective angle to do so and permits me to slowly close my eyes.

I see Her smiling face and her angelic expression is responsively mimicked by a less than worthy outward expression of my own. The island's breeze penetrates my thoughts and delicately brushes her naturally perfected air to the side, creating a stunning image that births true happiness finding home in me again.

An alarming disturbance rudely wakes me from my dreams and I turn sharply to my right to seek out and find the culprit. The stabbing pain in my stomach has reached a new level of severity and as my investigative work discovers a negligent lizard foraging for his next victim, I am relieved. For Now, he is completely oblivious to his role in the food chain.

Close to three feet in length and doubled when considering his tail, this specie of lizard has already exploited my naïve attempts at capture. I will never again neglect the duty of the lizard's tail in their quest for survival. I have vainly attempted to make a meal of these lizards without devoting appreciation to the miracle that is evolution and had to be whipped into realization by an unexpected flick of its splicing tail.

Every sunrise creates new learning opportunities, though, and I have been granted enough mornings to adapt and overcome. This lizard will not be as lucky as the last.

Before standing and utilizing wisdom to persist, my attention is diverted to the spring once more. Its water is digressing in clarity and a disappointed frustration begins to set in. My chin rises upward to receive the explanation from an overcast sky and I notice the water in which the clouds bottle creates a prism for the setting sun to shine through.

I take note of my chin's new direction and the amazingly beautiful portrait in the sky colors my darkness, filling my empty heart. She is still with me...

[Lionasoarus]

Captain's Log : 503

I am sick and weak, stricken with hopelessness.

The days have tortured me and the nights test my failing patience. I cannot endure these pains any longer. My heart sends aches to my blistered feet and my feet pass the message of despair to the core of my back. My core feels the burden of a thousand broken hearts and relays its struggle to my thoughts. My faith is wavering and my mind closed off to any reassurance of hope.

I am falling to the plagues of loneliness and beginning to question my root of sanity. Am I going crazy?

Yesterday I was uplifted on 3 separate occasions with the heavenly images of vessels on the horizon. As the last chance for a saving grace faded from my sight, I impulsively rushed to throw anything flammable onto the fire with intense dedication. Unfortunately, after cooling my body temperature and reenergizing my scrambled mind with a nap in the shade, I was able to realize the ships were nothing, non-existent, figments of a wildly unstable imagination.

I was flown to the mountain peak of bright Life only to crash in a valley of death deeper than my original low.

Am I so insignificant that the positivity I intended to spread while among friends, family, and colleagues did not penetrate to the heart of one brave soul courageous enough to look for me? Has my woman been moved so convincingly by Love that she manage a rescue?

I am on the west shore of the island today, watching a violent ocean and contemplating constructing a sea worthy raft. I have little knowledge of carpentry and as the winds transplant my confidence to another beach, to another castaway more deserving, I suppose, each crashing wave convinces me of failure.

Every opportunity for escape has been met with contradiction and my unmovable motivation swiped cunningly, replaced by relentless pessimism.

Although it feels as though the entire world has turned its back to me, I awake every morning and am greeted, still, with a small glimmer of assuredness that I remain fresh in the heart of my woman. Will I pass this test that is upon me Now? Will I be a changed man if I return to her?

I shrug off the nagging doubts and look to my right only to be highly disappointed with the shrinking fire. I was so overwhelmed by those beautiful facades, sails full of wind and deck hands ready with outstretched arms, that I burned the remainder of my cut and dried firewood along side what was left of my supplies. With the reassurance from the wood and the calming sooth of my tobacco I am truly alone.

A strung out anger is beginning to envelop my entire being.

Just Now, the activity of four pelicans grabs my attention and my familiar disdain has gained a target. Their annoyance forces my eyebrows lower and the inconsiderate bickering shreds through my brain, acting as a kindle to my flame. I have had my fill of these mindless birds and no matter how innocent their actions may have always been my temperature has reached its boiling point.

"Aaaahhhh!! Enough!" I exclaim as I jump to my feet and begin to wave my arm erratically in the air.

Although they immediately halt their nonsense, they do not move. All four pelicans stare at me without thought as I can feel my madness rise. I stare back in disbelief, awed by their irregard for my position on the food chain. My fists uncontrollably clinch and my jaws clamp shut with fight. My legs are beginning to feel restless and I can sense another onslaught of energy creeping through my body.

I start to talk towards the pelicans slowly. My stride quickly increases and before any startled movements scatter them, I close the distance that separates us in just seconds. Although an immeasurable drive controls me, I have no mal-intent for the seabirds and as they finally flap away in a nervous hurry, my bolt carries me past the array of feathers and I continue running.

An unexplainable force of energy floods my muscles and I can Now feel the wind cooling my face and deafening the natural sounds of the beach. As I round the eastern bend of the island, the sand is passing so quickly beneath my feet its grains fling into the air, some slapping my back. It feels unusual to have this much energy, but without head I continue at a remarkably fast pace.

A strong gust of wind lifts me a few inches off the ground and I combine my excited fear with determination and continue sprinting.

I feel something graze my stomach as my arms swing with the motion of my body and look down to discover vibrantly colored feathers sprouting from my shoulders to my wrists. With disconcern for the obvious mirage I relate with my inner child and proceed with the fun, running faster...and faster.

Another strong wind blows from behind me and, as I feel its presence strengthening, I stretch my arms parallel to the ground and allow the passing air to flow through my exotic feathers.

Soon after this I am embraced by an updraft and calmed by higher winds. I steadily climb higher and higher into the brilliantly blue sky and with each level ascended my heart is returned its compassion, my mind freed from its captivity, and my joy fully restored.

The island transforms into inspiration from this altitude and right after I burst through a cloud, refreshing my soul, I strain to hear a faint, robotic voice in the background.

"We have now arrived at our destination. Please proceed to the door with caution."

I raise my head from resting in my right hand, which found its stability propped up on my right leg, and rub the back of my neck. My elbow reacts with a creaky pop as I straighten it. I wipe my eyes of any sleep still trapped and smile.

Through the small window to my right, framed with condensation, I spot her. There she is... the key to my survival.