Metro Jacksonville

Community => News => Topic started by: JaxByDefault on August 13, 2009, 11:04:46 AM

Title: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: JaxByDefault on August 13, 2009, 11:04:46 AM
This is the best story ever to appear in the Times-Union.



Quote'Mrs. Jesus' arrested at car dealership, charged with fraud
She told police she is married to Jesus Christ

By Matt ColemanStory updated at 4:42 AM on Thursday, Aug. 13, 2009EMAILPRINTBLOG

A Jacksonville woman who said she is Jesus Christ's wife was charged with fraud Monday when she tried to purchase a car with a bad check.

Emma Kim-Tashis Harrison, 25, walked into the Coggin Pontiac dealership on Blanding Boulevard looking for some new wheels. She settled on a vehicle that cost almost $70,000, but things hit a snag when she grabbed her checkbook, according to a Jacksonville Sheriff's Office arrest report.

A representative from a bank in California informed the dealership's financial manager that the account Harrison supplied was bad.

So were the names on the check. It was signed "Mr. and Mrs. Jesus and Emma Christ."

Officers who detained Harrison found a host of credit cards and checks in her purse, some issued to Emma Harrison and others made out to Emma Christ. She said she doesn't work but owns "a traveling Web site that people just deposit money into," according to the report.

Investigators also discovered Harrison has never had a driver's license. She was charged with organized fraud, forging bank bills and uttering forged bills â€" all felonies.

She remains in the Duval County jail without bail.

And where was her husband in all this?
She said Jesus Christ would return next week to sign the paperwork and pick up the car.

http://www.jacksonville.com/news/metro/crime/2009-08-12/story/mrs_jesus_arrested_at_car_dealership_charged_with_fraud (http://www.jacksonville.com/news/metro/crime/2009-08-12/story/mrs_jesus_arrested_at_car_dealership_charged_with_fraud)
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: reednavy on August 13, 2009, 11:16:27 AM
No words.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: CrysG on August 13, 2009, 11:18:46 AM
Riiiiigggghhhtttt ::)
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Captain Zissou on August 13, 2009, 11:36:43 AM
What Pontiac costs $70,000?? Jesus has some nice wheels.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: untarded on August 13, 2009, 11:49:56 AM
Why not?  He gets 10% and some pretty sweet tax breaks. :D
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: reednavy on August 13, 2009, 11:52:04 AM
Quote from: CrysG on August 13, 2009, 11:18:46 AM
Riiiiigggghhhtttt ::)
Seriously, I have nothing to say, I can't, I just can't. Where would I begin?
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Deuce on August 13, 2009, 11:53:04 AM
QuoteWhat Pontiac costs $70,000?? Jesus has some nice wheels.

That's what I was thinking? Sounds like she's been running a fraudulent business on the web too but that may not be true. She sounds like she's one pill short of a full medicine cabinet.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Captain Zissou on August 13, 2009, 12:13:24 PM
I just checked, no Pontiac costs more than $35K.  Must have been buying some other GM.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: copperfiend on August 13, 2009, 12:18:59 PM
Tim Tebow is married?
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: untarded on August 13, 2009, 12:27:05 PM
Quote from: copperfiend on August 13, 2009, 12:18:59 PM
Tim Tebow is married?

No...he can father children without conceiving.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Doctor_K on August 13, 2009, 12:36:17 PM
No, no, no.  There's already been an Immaculate Reception:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_reception
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: CrysG on August 13, 2009, 01:48:25 PM
Quote from: reednavy on August 13, 2009, 11:52:04 AM
Quote from: CrysG on August 13, 2009, 11:18:46 AM
Riiiiigggghhhtttt ::)
Seriously, I have nothing to say, I can't, I just can't. Where would I begin?


I wasn't making that comment towards you but towards the over all craziness of the Lord returning to by a Pontiac.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Doctor_K on August 13, 2009, 02:15:17 PM
Just think of the missed marketing opportunties Pontiac is being presented with.  It's a shame GM has written the Pontiac brand off.  This could've been a marketing goldmine.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Cliffs_Daughter on August 13, 2009, 03:09:24 PM
Quote from: Doctor_K on August 13, 2009, 02:15:17 PM
Just think of the missed marketing opportunties Pontiac is being presented with.  It's a shame GM has written the Pontiac brand off.  This could've been a marketing goldmine.

That Pontiac drivers would save an extra 20% on their next vehicle purchase - Jesus saves, and you can too!? :P


(yes, I went there, I said it...)
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Doctor_K on August 13, 2009, 03:36:06 PM
Brilliant!  Love it!
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: JaxByDefault on August 13, 2009, 03:37:51 PM
I guess Cash for Clunkers was too good of a deal for even Jesus to pass up.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: CrysG on August 13, 2009, 03:38:58 PM
Quote from: Doctor_K on August 13, 2009, 02:15:17 PM
Just think of the missed marketing opportunties Pontiac is being presented with.  It's a shame GM has written the Pontiac brand off.  This could've been a marketing goldmine.

Pontiac....the official car for your Lord and Savior.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Charles Hunter on August 13, 2009, 09:50:09 PM
Quote from: Doctor_K on August 13, 2009, 02:15:17 PM
Just think of the missed marketing opportunties Pontiac is being presented with.  It's a shame GM has written the Pontiac brand off.  This could've been a marketing goldmine.

Maybe the brand can be brought back to life?

It's a shame Pontiac doesn't make the Crossfire.

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
Be sure to tip your waitstaff.
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Cliffs_Daughter on August 14, 2009, 09:26:07 AM
^^

ROFL ;D ;D :D :D

Now THAT is funny!

Although, if they're thinking about a Denali as the 70K truck in question, then we REALLY know what the "G" in GMC is for!  ;)
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: Doctor_K on August 14, 2009, 03:36:34 PM
Quote from: Cliffs_Daughter on August 14, 2009, 09:26:07 AM
Although, if they're thinking about a Denali as the 70K truck in question, then we REALLY know what the "G" in GMC is for!  ;)
GMC = God's Motor Coach?  God's Merciless Carbon-emitter?

Quote from: Charles Hunter on August 13, 2009, 09:50:09 PM
Maybe the brand can be brought back to life?
Breaking News:  "Pontiac Brand Resurrected"  LoL
Title: Re: Jesus Returning to Jacksonville Next Week
Post by: shanshan1218 on August 14, 2009, 09:31:45 PM
This is the most awesome thing I have heard in a while. People will never cease to amaze me!