Bullying Will Not Destroy Me
William Jackson, M.Ed.
My Quest To Teach
“I Will Survive Bullying†Presentation
Since the issue of bullying with Paris Cannon (Jacksonville, Florida)
being typed as a "serial bully" and accused of "repeat violence."
Bullying is taking on a new meaning and creating a change in the
perceived safety of students in schools. The understanding of
bullying is in question as students perceive it one way and society
perceives it another. Bullying should not be given just a clinical
dissection, but the emotional damage and long term emotional and
psychological perceptions should be viewed.
Kids are being Bullied as can be seen in recent stories :
Your Daughter Could Be A Bully
http://www.news4jax.com/news/warning-signs-your-daughter-could-be-a-bully/-/475880/20035684/-/2q6cde/-/index.html (http://www.news4jax.com/news/warning-signs-your-daughter-could-be-a-bully/-/475880/20035684/-/2q6cde/-/index.html)
The Bullies think they are in the right and justified in their actions
as seen in this story.
http://www.news4jax.com/news/appeals-court-puts-bully-school-ban-on-hold/-/475880/20066330/-/103dyfjz/-/index.html (http://www.news4jax.com/news/appeals-court-puts-bully-school-ban-on-hold/-/475880/20066330/-/103dyfjz/-/index.html)
Race and gender make no distinction when bullying is discussed.
The issues maybe the intensity and the methods. Boys are more prone
to physical altercations and Social Media while girls are
involved in emotional, psychological harassment and Social Media as well.
Bullying is affecting learning in schools and the perception of safety.
Students communicate in more aggressive manners using digital tools and
on Social Media platforms. The media has addressed Bullying featured
information from around the country talking with students, parents and
educators about taking a proactive approach towards bullying. The White
House through President and Mrs. Obama have hosted Bullying Prevention
efforts seeing how serious this problem has grown on a national level.
The efforts of school districts to address violence and bullying is not just
combated by detentions, suspensions or incarcerations. Schools should
work to prevent these behaviors concerning bullying (cyberbullying) and
even Sexting. It takes the total involvement of the complete school family.
The public perception is that violence is increasing across the country in
schools that are supposed to be “Save Zones.†Student’s safety is slowly
being taken away, but there is total disagreement to the cure or preventive
measures. Legislation will not do it, Presidential mandates will not accomplish
anything. The ultimate proactive cure is for parents to works with teachers and
administrators in the schools. Parents need to be held accountable, responsible
and provided reliable help.
Survey of student’s by the National School Safety Center in grades 6-12, 79%
stated violence was caused by "stupid things like bumping into someone," other
causes included: boyfriend-girlfriend disputes, racism, and gangs. Bullying is
mostly caused by jealousy and factors related to a student’s home life. Home
life influences bullying showing can begin as early as Preschool in:
The Facts About Bullying, 1997.
The mental and emotional trauma of being bullied is an overwhelming feeling of
powerlessness that can lead to depression, thoughts of suicide, bodily harm
(cutting), drug abuse and other harmful actions that distract from learning.
Bullying cannot be solved by teachers in the classroom, administrators in offices
and police in schools. Bullying needs to involve the families of schools to make
the statement that it will not be tolerated at the school by anyone. Students must
make the mental and emotional commitment that “Bullying Will Not Destroy Meâ€
and parents need to be proactive and observant of behaviors.
Training students in skills that build self esteem, self value and nurturing mental
and emotional strength of will. Building students up to believe in themselves and
their abilities is important to a student’s self esteem and how they perceive the
world and value themselves. Parents are learning the unfortunate truth that students
will not always tell their parents what is going on in school because of pride and peer
pressure. No matter how strong a parent feels their relationship is with their child it is
not as strong or secure as they think. Parents understand your children; when I
presented at the Boys2Men Symposium and Keystone Leadership Conference for
the Boys and Girls Clubs of America, speaking about bullying/cyberbullying many
of the young men claimed that they did not want to be seen as “soft†or “green†if
they reported Bullying. Girls stated they did not want to “lose face†or seem “weakâ€
in front of their friends.
“Bullying Will Not Destroy Me†is a mental strength that youth and teens must
develop in themselves. Students in our schools must know that there is someone that
will listen and take action on their part. Parents keep talking to your children/teens
every day and be involved in their growth and development.
It takes a village to raise and teach children, parents, teachers, administrators, clergy
and law enforcement working together for the safety of all students at schools must
begin to talk to students, not just set policies that punish. The need for understanding
WHY bullying is happening, empathy for bullies through engagement and dialogue
creates more opportunities to talk and understand how to change the mindset and
actions of Bullying. Show that continue dialogue, mentoring, education and even
exposure to professional individuals and groups that are a success in their fields of
study show that a strong mind and will are important to success.
Online Resources:
Stop Bullying Now
Interactive Cartoons for Kids
http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/ (http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/)
Bullying.org
See, read, and hear the impact that bullying has had on people's lives.
http://www.bullying.org (http://www.bullying.org)
PBS Parents Information
Bullying Education
http://www.pbs.org/parents/search/results.html?restrict=parents&q=Bulling (http://www.pbs.org/parents/search/results.html?restrict=parents&q=Bulling)
Bullying is not a new problem or even new epidemic. Media has increased our awareness of the issue and the avenues with which bullies can ply their trade. The other issue that that has exacerbated the bullying problem is the laissez faire attitude that has culminated to a fevered pitch over the last 20-30 years. I can remember as a child having to be punished by both my friend's parents for my infraction as well as my own when I got home. Kids are no longer afraid of reprisal for their actions. I can't even count how many times I have seen a comment on an article about a child's behavior stating "the parent needs to be in jail for (their child's) actions." Perhaps the parents do need to be punished for terrible parenting, I don't know - but that does not in any way excuse the child's actions.
A child needs to be held accountable for his/her own actions. As parents or adults in that child's life we need to be aware of that child's actions and not be quick to the "not my child" defense. Why is a child that brutally beats another child on or off campus only being sentenced to some sort of suspension from school? This is a violation of the law. If an adult did this, the adult would be in jail. "Kids will be kids" only goes so far. Many of these "fights" are not just the school yard tussles that happened when I was in school, these are full blown beatings where the victim has no chance of holding his/her own in the fight. Add to that the emotional warfare that kids are doing to each other and the damage done to the psyche is immeasurable.
I can remember being told that kids are only picking on me because "they are just jealous." Like that was supposed to lessen the blow. It was BS then - it is BS now. Some kids are damaged, some are mean and some are exhibiting control over a victim because they have none in their homelife and can in other aspects over those they view as weaker individuals. None of those reasons makes it acceptable. But it brings me full circle to why laissez faire has made the issue bigger today that it was 30 years ago. We cannot simply see it happen and walk away. We need to pay attention. Simply noticing that a child (or adult) is out of sorts from their normal behavior and asking them (repeatedly if necc) could make a difference. Show that you care and that you are there. That you are willing to get involved in his/her life and help. Then follow through with that action. we need to stop being observers and start being participators.
Bullying will continue to be a problem in our schools as long as the bullies and tormentors are enabled through a combination of poor parenting at home and a school system that seems to put the bullies' educational needs above those of the victims.