Protestant vs Catholic Jokes
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One day in the Vatican, one of the Pope's flunkies rushes to his side: "Your Holiness", he gasps, "I have some good news and some bad news; the good news is, Our LORD Himself is calling you on the overseas telephone!"
The Pope scratches his head: "Truly, that is good news; He can use modern technology whenever He chooses to! What could be the bad news???"
"Your Holiness,". The young man answered; "He is calling from Salt Lake City."
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A wino was staggering down a country road when he came upon a congregation of Baptists conducting a baptism/conversion ceremony by a river. Not knowing any better, the wino gets in line with the others who are about to be "saved".
It comes to the wino's turn and the old preacher says "Are you ready to be saved, my son?"
The wino nods and the preacher pushed down on his head, dunking him under the water and letting him up after about 10 seconds.
The preacher then says "Have you found Jesus, my son?" The wino says "No, Rev'ernd, I haven't."
Where upon the preacher again dunks the wino into the river and holds him under for about 20 seconds before finally releasing him. The preacher again asks "Have you found Jesus, my son?" The wino says "No, Rev'ernd, I ain't found him yet."
Frustrated, the preacher dunks the wino a third time holding him under water for a full minute. The wino thrashes about under the water until the preacher finally lets him up.
As the wino is coughing and gasping for air the preacher implores him a third time: "Son, have you found Jesus yet?"
The wino says "No, Rev'ernd. I ain't found Jesus. Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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A Protestant dies and faces St Peter. The judgement is quick: with a big smile St Peter says "You have been saved - welcome to heaven". St Peter takes him by the arm and takes him on a tour of heaven. Everything is as beautiful as the man expected, and he meets his deceased family and friends. In the distance, he sees a large building, with high walls and guards at the top. He asks St Peter - "What's that building? Is there anyone there?". St Peter explains - "That's for the Catholics - they think they are the only ones here"
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Q: How is an East TX divorce like a tornado???
A: In either case, somebody's going to lose a trailer.
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Great divorce jokes!
A very old couple, in their 90's, sit down in a divorce attorney's office and say "We want a divorce".
The attorney doesn't like to turn away business, but can't help asking "Why, after all these years?"
They respond: "We were waiting for the kids to die".
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