(http://myquesttoteach.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/candlevigi1.jpg?w=215&h=250)
Bullying and Suicides
William Jackson, M.Edu.
Sunday, September 09, 2012 begins Suicide Prevention Week
The stress of a new school year is magnified by pressures of the unknown, the unknown of
whether a student will be safe in the hallways of schools. Students struggle if it will be safe
to go to the bathroom or even lunchroom at school. Students wonder will they be bullied at
the bus stop, will they be taunted, teased and attacked for no sensible reason other than they
are just there.
Bullying has changed atmospheres of schools in the nation; Presidential initiatives, community
summits, parent workshops, teacher trainings and even religious workshops are not being held,
bullying has been recognized as a serious issue in public, private and charter schools of this nation.
Bullying does not discriminate by color, race, age, sex, religion, how physically strong a person
is, how popular or how athletic. Bullying does not care about political affiliations, socio-economic
status or what type of Jordan’s, Nikes or other shoe wear is worn.
What "Bullying" means; repeated, continuous, “systematically and chronically inflicting physical
hurt or psychological distress on one or more studentsâ€
https://stateimpact.npr.org/florida/tag/bullying/ (https://stateimpact.npr.org/florida/tag/bullying/)
Parents, Teachers and even Clergy should understand and recognize that bullying is not a rite of
passage, or a way of acceptance. Bullying takes the form of: Teasing, Social Exclusion, Threats,
Intimidation, Stalking, Physical Violence, Theft, Sexual Taunting, Religious, or Racial Harassment,
and Public Humiliation. Students are subjected to these conditions and in some ways worse. This
is not a third world situation; it is a national shame in our educational system that must be addressed
by parents, administrators and teachers. To many children feel “Invisible†when they have problems
and concerns.
In this blog is a passionate plea for parents to listen to their children, take the time to be parents.
Invisibility of Being Bullied
http://myquesttoteach.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/invisibility-of-being-bullied/ (http://myquesttoteach.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/invisibility-of-being-bullied/)
If the seriousness of bullying has not been understood, look at the tragedy of Shayne Ijames,
committed suicide and Zachery Gray attempted suicide even though he had a girlfriend and was popular.
His attempt left him paralyzed, and his note shows the reality of how many teens feel.
“To all my friends and teachers… Don’t take my death and spread rumors about me just know you
can’t always push someone around. But also please remember me for who i was not what you thought
i was. Love always. Zachery Gray. Class of 2012.â€
These are just a few of the stories found, locally “one in eight high school students in Jacksonville have
tried to take their life†Topher Sanders. This information should not be limited to just a story, but the
reality of life. Shauna Terrell a Jacksonville teen attempted to kill herself three times by the time she
was 13. She was a subject of a Times-Union story titled: “Deciding to Liveâ€. The reality of bullying
and suicide is real, not a made for TV movie or Reality TV series.
Parents, proactively communicate with your children. Don’t wait for your children to start the conversation,
because in most cases they will not. Stated by the father of Lennon Baldwin, a high school freshman that committed suicide, “Whatever you’re involved in, there is nothing that you can’t go to your parents with…
Your parents are your anchor. They brought you into this world to defend and protect you.
Trust in your parents, and their unconditional love.â€
The correlation of bullying and suicide has been documented and studied. Statistically suicide is the ninth
leading cause of death in Florida (2010), the tenth in the United States (2008), the twenty fourth
worldwide (2002) information from the Florida Suicide Prevention Coalition.
The alarm has been sounded for our nation not just Jacksonville, schools need help in addressing bullying
and the potential of suicide; schools cannot do it by themselves, established to educate, not teach societal
morals and values. Parents should be involved with their children, proactive and serious in their support in keeping schools safe. It is my hope that parents do not make this an issue that teachers and schools must
handle alone. The first teacher, role model, and value (morals) maker are parents.
I hope parents do not have the same mentality that a parent threw in my face that “because I make
so much money†I should teach her child how to behave and how to act in school. Teachers are certified
to teach, educate and prepare a future work force.
Sounding the Alarm
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/video/1734106006001/1/Sounding-the-suicide-alarm-in-Jacksonville (http://www.firstcoastnews.com/video/1734106006001/1/Sounding-the-suicide-alarm-in-Jacksonville)
Education about bullying and suicide for youth and teens is needed. Parents take responsibility for
your children’s actions and hold them accountable. One suicide death is unacceptable and the numbers
showing are growing. The dialogue is growing and attention is there, but engagement and dialogue
needs to be increased. Parents start the conversation with your children if you have not done so already.
This week is the 38th Annual National Suicide Prevention Week
Sunday September 9th to Friday September15th, 2012
http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/about-aas/nspw (http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/about-aas/nspw)
Resources
Zachery Gray Story
http://www.queerty.com/straight-tampa-teens-attempt-suicide-after-enduring-anti-gay-bullying-20120528/#ixzz25zYY4H76 (http://www.queerty.com/straight-tampa-teens-attempt-suicide-after-enduring-anti-gay-bullying-20120528/#ixzz25zYY4H76)
What "Bullying" Means in Florida Schools
https://stateimpact.npr.org/florida/tag/bullying/ (https://stateimpact.npr.org/florida/tag/bullying/)
Suicidology
http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/about-aas/nspw (http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/about-aas/nspw)
Florida Suicide Prevention Coalition
http://www.floridasuicideprevention.org/the_facts.htm (http://www.floridasuicideprevention.org/the_facts.htm)
Shauna Terrell
http://jacksonville.com/news/metro/2012-07-14/story/one-eight-jacksonville-high-school-students-have-attempted-suicide (http://jacksonville.com/news/metro/2012-07-14/story/one-eight-jacksonville-high-school-students-have-attempted-suicide)
Stop Bullying
http://www.stopbullying.gov (http://www.stopbullying.gov)
Florida Department of Education
http://search.fldoe.org/default.asp?cx=012683245092260330905%3Aalo4lmikgz4&cof=FORID%3A11&q=bullying&sa=Search (http://search.fldoe.org/default.asp?cx=012683245092260330905%3Aalo4lmikgz4&cof=FORID%3A11&q=bullying&sa=Search)
Bullying among students is sad and suicide is not the way to go. But bullying happens in one form or another through life. Work life can be very stressful putting up with the back stabbers and the people who say they are your friends? How about Working with Narcissistic Leaders? This was written in the Harvard Business School by Michael Maccoby: "There is very little business literature that tells narcissistic leaders how to avoid the pitfalls. There are two reasons for this. First, relatively few narcissistic leaders are interested in looking inward. And second, psychoanalysts don't usually get close enough to them, especially in the workplace, to write about them. (The noted psychoanalyst Harry Levinson is an exception.) As a result, advice on leadership focuses on obsessives, which explains why so much of it is about creating teamwork and being more receptive to subordinates. But as we've already seen, this literature is of little interest to narcissists, nor is it likely to help subordinates understand their narcissistic leaders. The absence of managerial literature on narcissistic leaders doesn't mean that it is impossible to devise strategies for dealing with narcissism. In the course of a long career counseling CEOs, I have identified three basic ways in which productive narcissists can avoid the traps of their own personality.
"Find a trusted sidekick." Many narcissists can develop a close relationship with one person, a sidekick who acts as an anchor, keeping the narcissistic partner grounded. However, given that narcissistic leaders trust only their own insights and view of reality, the sidekick has to understand the narcissistic leader and what he is trying to achieve. The narcissist must feel that this person, or in some cases persons, is practically an extension of himself. The sidekick must also be sensitive enough to manage the relationship. Don Quixote is a classic example of a narcissist who was out of touch with reality but who was constantly saved from disaster by his squire Sancho Panza. Not surprisingly, many narcissistic leaders rely heavily on their spouses, the people they are closest to. But dependence on spouses can be risky, because they may further isolate the narcissistic leader from his company by supporting his grandiosity and feeding his paranoia. I once knew a CEO in this kind of relationship with his spouse. He took to accusing loyal subordinates of plotting against him just because they ventured a few criticisms of his ideas.
It is much better for a narcissistic leader to choose a colleague as his sidekick. Good sidekicks are able to point out the operational requirements of the narcissistic leader's vision and keep him rooted in reality. The best sidekicks are usually productive obsessives. Gyllenhammar, for instance, was most effective at Volvo when he had an obsessive COO, Håkan Frisinger, to focus on improving quality and cost, as well as an obsessive HR director, Berth Jönsson, to implement his vision. Similarly, Bill Gates can think about the future from the stratosphere because Steve Ballmer, a tough obsessive president, keeps the show on the road. At Oracle, CEO Larry Ellison can afford to miss key meetings and spend time on his boat contemplating a future without PCs because he has a productive obsessive COO in Ray Lane to run the company for him. But the job of sidekick entails more than just executing the leader's ideas. The sidekick also has to get his leader to accept new ideas. To do this, he must be able to show the leader how the new ideas fit with his views and serve his interests.
"Indoctrinate the organization." The narcissistic CEO wants all his subordinates to think the way he does about the business. Productive narcissistsâ€"people who often have a dash of the obsessive personalityâ€"are good at converting people to their point of view. One of the most successful at this is GE's Jack Welch. Welch uses toughness to build a corporate culture and to implement a daring business strategy, including the buying and selling of scores of companies. Unlike other narcissistic leaders such as Gates, Grove, and Ellison, who have transformed industries with new products, Welch was able to transform his industry by focusing on execution and pushing companies to the limits of quality and efficiency, bumping up revenues and wringing out costs. In order to do so, Welch hammers out a huge corporate culture in his own imageâ€"a culture that provides impressive rewards for senior managers and shareholders.
Welch's approach to culture building is widely misunderstood. Many observers, notably Noel Tichy in The Leadership Engine, argue that Welch forms his company's leadership culture through teaching. But Welch's "teaching" involves a personal ideology that he indoctrinates into GE managers through speeches, memos, and confrontations. Rather than create a dialogue, Welch makes pronouncements (either be the number one or two company in your market or get out), and he institutes programs (such as Six Sigma quality) that become the GE party line. Welch's strategy has been extremely effective. GE managers must either internalize his vision, or they must leave. Clearly, this is incentive learning with a vengeance. I would even go so far as to call Welch's teaching brainwashing. But Welch does have the rare insight and know-how to achieve what all narcissistic business leaders are trying to doâ€"namely, get the organization to identify with them, to think the way they do, and to become the living embodiment of their companies.
"Get into analysis." Narcissists are often more interested in controlling others than in knowing and disciplining themselves. That's why, with very few exceptions, even productive narcissists do not want to explore their personalities with the help of insight therapies such as psychoanalysis. Yet since Heinz Kohut, there has been a radical shift in psychoanalytic thinking about what can be done to help narcissists work through their rage, alienation, and grandiosity. Indeed, if they can be persuaded to undergo therapy, narcissistic leaders can use tools such as psychoanalysis to overcome vital character flaws.
Consider the case of one exceptional narcissistic CEO who asked me to help him understand why he so often lost his temper with subordinates. He lived far from my home city, and so the therapy was sporadic and very unorthodox. Yet he kept a journal of his dreams, which we interpreted together either by phone or when we met. Our analysis uncovered painful feelings of being unappreciated that went back to his inability to impress a cold father. He came to realize that he demanded an unreasonable amount of praise and that when he felt unappreciated by his subordinates, he became furious. Once he understood that, he was able to recognize his narcissism and even laugh about it. In the middle of our work, he even announced to his top team that I was psychoanalyzing him and asked them what they thought of that. After a pregnant pause, one executive vice president piped up, "Whatever you're doing, you should keep doing it, because you don't get so angry anymore." Instead of being trapped by narcissistic rage, this CEO was learning how to express his concerns constructively.
Leaders who can work on themselves in that way tend to be the most productive narcissists. In addition to being self-reflective, they are also likely to be open, likable, and good-humored. Productive narcissists have perspective; they are able to detach themselves and laugh at their irrational needs. Although serious about achieving their goals, they are also playful. As leaders, they are aware of being performers. A sense of humor helps them maintain enough perspective and humility to keep on learning."
I personally experienced bullying through my middle school years. The effects from lingered on well into my adulthood. Ive strived over the past few years to battle some of those demons. Im lucky I made it through. There were so many days I asked God why I was going through, and what did I do to deserve such treatment.
Quote from: duvaldude08 on September 10, 2012, 12:04:34 PM
I personally experienced bullying through my middle school years. The effects from lingered on well into my adulthood. Ive strived over the past few years to battle some of those demons. Im lucky I made it through. There were so many days I asked God why I was going through, and what did I do to deserve such treatment.
I also have gone Thru these battles as you call them and as a christian I know I'm to forgive the people that have put me Thru these hell's. But right at this point I can't and some say why not for if you don't you can't move on. And I say to them walk in my shoes, feel the pain I feel try to understand why with my brain. And if you could then you may understand my pain. I don't feel sorry for the narcissist that has caused my pain for this person doesn't believe in the Lord my father and has no soul.
Quote from: If_I_Loved_you on September 10, 2012, 12:28:54 PM
Quote from: duvaldude08 on September 10, 2012, 12:04:34 PM
I personally experienced bullying through my middle school years. The effects from lingered on well into my adulthood. Ive strived over the past few years to battle some of those demons. Im lucky I made it through. There were so many days I asked God why I was going through, and what did I do to deserve such treatment.
I also have gone Thru these battles as you call them and as a christian I know I'm to forgive the people that have put me Thru these hell's. But right at this point I can't and some say why not for if you don't you can't move on. And I say to them walk in my shoes, feel the pain I feel try to understand why with my brain. And if you could then you may understand my pain. I don't feel sorry for the narcissist that has caused my pain for this person doesn't believe in the Lord my father and has no soul.
I've had my share of bullying too. And it has made me the person I am today. Somewhere in my nearly 50 years, I came to terms with it. I guess it comes with age. I hope you two do as well, someday.
Quote from: vicupstate on September 10, 2012, 12:41:37 PM
Quote from: If_I_Loved_you on September 10, 2012, 12:28:54 PM
Quote from: duvaldude08 on September 10, 2012, 12:04:34 PM
I personally experienced bullying through my middle school years. The effects from lingered on well into my adulthood. Ive strived over the past few years to battle some of those demons. Im lucky I made it through. There were so many days I asked God why I was going through, and what did I do to deserve such treatment.
I also have gone Thru these battles as you call them and as a christian I know I'm to forgive the people that have put me Thru these hell's. But right at this point I can't and some say why not for if you don't you can't move on. And I say to them walk in my shoes, feel the pain I feel try to understand why with my brain. And if you could then you may understand my pain. I don't feel sorry for the narcissist that has caused my pain for this person doesn't believe in the Lord my father and has no soul.
I've had my share of bullying too. And it has made me the person I am today. Somewhere in my nearly 50 years, I came to terms with it. I guess it comes with age. I hope you two do as well, someday.
Thank you ;)